i have a great family and a shitty heart
great, not beautiful, because i feel so separated
such nice people, all i do is betray them
my heart clenches physically every time i do, but i still make the choice to
hence the shitty heart
with its ingratitude radiating through the cold numbness on my face, in my palm
and when they try to keep their necks warm by wrapping a scarf
i don’t offer to put one
i walk away
with my shitty heart
with its evil drenched in the blood to turn negative the colours of all that smiles
stealing that hope in eyes when they see someone they love
i don’t offer hope
i walk away
with my shitty heart
with its ingenuity kicking away the pretences that got me through for twenty one years
they light up a candle to celebrate them believing in me
i don’t believe
i walk away
with my shitty heart
to the failure i can’t seem to get out of
to all this sunlight that pierces my eyes and leaves me cold
i’ll leave me
i’ll leave this shitty heart