Twenty four hours worth of damage

I slept through the past twenty four hours
No foul play involved, no drugs, no alcohol
Sole drudgery at the end of my lips slightly parted
and weakness in the hair unwashed discarded
Here’s what I missed:
My parents’ distress, wondering if I’d begotten depression
They’ve witnessed a past in me not too reluctantly
My mother spoke her anguished cries to anyone who would give her
A cane to build on few lines of help for me
My father soothed her but sat by my stomach
And looked at me speculating where he went so wrong
That his daughter grew up in a lone world of thoughts
And chewed down her finger tips to battle with a weakened heart
My brother went out for a game not much worry accounted for
He knew of my sleeping habits, not of my piling thoughts
Beyond my family was the curiosity of the neighbour
They didn’t give a fuck, just unnecessary judgment harboured

The real cognitions dug in a stone grave
Only the one person in my life had access to
I slept through twenty four hours
And my husband fought my battles unarmed
Two seventy two minutes he spent in agony
No sleep he besought no comfort he partook
No business he could attend to, he jumped on loose hooks
The bus took a ticket to its destination, his did not match
He went searching for home, but his was she a bed did snatch
What came next was a blur in hopes of escape
All he wanted was an out, to smoke he raised
It tore open his health through his breath
His exhale screamed apologies and wreckages glazed
The most devastated passed by a doctor’s diagnosis
The gray cells reinforced ‘you monster‘ only the one who slept could repress
Hatred – his illusion owned – brimmed up to his chest
Left all caress out only shackled duress
When seventeen hours had crossed the third pill was down his throat
He waited to set all correct, the path I’d bethrown
His eyes moaned in turmoil and his hands shook to motion
An undoing was all he wanted, a ruckus after all love
All he did was be our pride, our strength, our success, our soul
Anger claimed his effort by the neck and pulled strings through the hole
Twenty two hours I blamed him from my asleep silence
He called and called, should’ve penned my acid timeless
I slept through damages a day could commit but most I recovered by my own
The hurt I passed to my husband was cruel, only I who discharged
Twenty four hours’ worth of pain I wrung on a soul, pure, enlarged

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senses: voice

I called your name out loud so many times
I called your mobile, your landline, even your grandmother’s, such was my plight
A name I’d found a home in – a big bed, two toothbrushes, some macaroons, two hearts
I’d screwed up, big time; I am stupid, so stupid
To hurt you, to make you cry – hell, you cared so much to have cried at my sins

I called your name when I saw you at the metro station
To say a quick hello, slow goodbye
You recognised my voice, my heart, and you ignored it: why wouldn’t you
I’d hurt you, and I’m so sorry
The next time, I waited for you outside your class for two long hours
I called your name with every shred of hope in me left after the barren sun’s caprice, the guard’s malice, the street callous
You saw me, and I swear I saw surprise in your eyes
But you walked ahead, talking of neurotic tendencies
Intended brushes, here and there, to get you to understand
The depth behind my apology
The maple syrup and honesty in my voice as I spoke your name
The night I first met you, I rehearsed that very name, a wide smile gracing my uncouth face every time I would whisper it
And you told me later, ‘no rehearsal, you perfect it’
If i wasnt lying, I’d tell you right now
Your name sings on my tongue like it never has before, like it never will again, and with it, now,
Is attached
I am sorry, I am so sorry
I waited in front of your class, day after day, and stood in front of that very guard,
Communicating with the piercing sun
All I did was ask for forgiveness
I called your name as you laughed at the festival
I called your name while you drank with your friends
I called your name as you collected your tea
I called your name as you bit on your dessert
I called your name as you read your poetry
I called your name as you hummed Linkin Park
I called your name all the time
I made a mistake, but seeking your eyes, every time I call your name
Drenches me
Livens me
And yesterday
You reacted: an year of stopping you, you paused for me
And you beheld, ‘stop,’
And your eyes beheld, ‘please,’
And your hands beheld, ‘this hurts,’
And i called your name
But it died on my tongue.